Drowning

Hey Ya'll!! So I haven't written on this blog in about seven months, but I wanted to talk about something that has been in my mind and heart for too long. I wanted to talk about inspiration, family, future, and more. Many people look online or in books to find inspirational quotes to make them feel like they are prepared for the future. It makes them feel like if something bad happens, they will be able to get back on their feet. Sometimes you do get back on your feet. Sometimes you don't. Nothing and no one can prepare you for this. I personally wasn't prepared when I fell from normality. Many people (me included) think that they will never be one of those people, that they will never have that family that has a huge problem that stays inside the house. For example, some people's parents get divorced, and no one can prepare them for that. In my case, one of my loved ones developed an eating disorder. I had seen the signs months before he/she was diagnosed, but I kept thinking, "This could never happen to us, we are just a normal family." But when it did, everything for me collapsed. My loved one turned into someone I didn't know. It was like he/she was possessed by the eating disorder, and it said and did everything for her/him. It scared me. I didn't want to talk about it with anyone, causing me to "drown". You don't know the feeling till it hits you, full force, taking everything away from you. For months I felt like I couldn't breathe. Like if I took too big of a breath or too quick of a breath that the tears would come again in full force exposing my happy act to everyone and everything. I felt like my lungs were collapsed and two sizes smaller from all of the strangled crying in my bedroom. The biggest thing anyone could know about me is that if someone I love falls or is struggling around me, I fall and struggle too. It's a blessing and a curse, but either way its a part of me. I guess what I'm trying to say is that keeping feelings inside can kill you. Even if you just confide in a journal it's better than being alone. If I had had one person to be there for me and hug me when I needed it, I would have probably not "drowned". Be the best you can be to your friends so when you need them they will be there for you. Mine weren't.








Bi Ya'll!